christineyountjones.com

Category: Blogging

  • What Being Out of Favor Taught Me…

    What Being Out of Favor Taught Me…

    For the last two years at my previous job, I sensed that I was “out of favor.” And no matter what I did, I couldn’t get “in favor.”

    I hated being in that state! And for a time, I was so angry! I blamed others until I saw that God uses favor like rails to guide us. Wasn’t it the presence and absence of favor in Joseph’s life that led him from favored son to unfavored slave to unfavored prisoner to favored prince of Egypt?

    The absence of favor was painful. I could relate to Jeremiah who wrote in Lamentations 3: “He has walled me in so I can’t go out; He has made my chains heavy. He has blocked my paths with hewn stone. He has made my paths crooked. He set me as a target for the arrow. I have become a laughingstock to all my people. Their mocking song all day. He has filled me with bitterness. He has made me cower all day long. My soul has been rejected from peace.”

    It felt as though I was never going to find favor again. I lamented…oh, I lamented! I cried. I fumed. I prayed. I complained. I journaled. And I tried to learn what I could do to gain favor again.

    It was not to be.

    And for that I’m thankful…now.

    I had to journey through all the feelings, all the pain, all the humbling to allow God to do His work in me. When I finally learned to stop fighting the “state of no favor” and instead lean into it, my situation didn’t go away. But I got better.

    I moved from anger to forgiveness. I moved from wanting justice to accepting my leaders and their actions as instruments from God. I moved from raging pride to quiet humility.

    I knew that God’s rescue was coming, but what I didn’t know is that He had a lot of refining to do in me before that rescue would come. I had very clearly heard from God that He was leading me out to something new. But that exit would take two years of living “out of favor.” TWO YEARS! What a ride!

    One of the biggest lessons I learned in that time is that I had taken for granted in my times of favor that favor comes from God only. In my arrogance, I had taken credit for my success and my influence. I learned instead that favor is a gift from God. And, honestly, the absence of favor is a gift from God–just more painful!

    I see now that favor–or being out of favor–are character-building tools that God uses to guide us into His very best for us–and for His kingdom. (All I wanted initially in the no-favor zone was for it to GO AWAY!)

    Some may wonder if a good God can allow or even orchestrate times of no favor. Honestly, I don’t know if God allowed or orchestrated the events. But what I do believe is that everything happens under the umbrella of God’s sovereignty.

    “Who is there who speaks and it comes to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both good and ill go forth?” (Lamentations 3:37-38)

    There is NO unrighteousness in God. Whatever He does is holy and good. I may think it’s not, but it is. Even the hard times in my life can teach me more of who God is. They can reveal panes of the prism of seeing God for who He is. I don’t need to fear knowing God as He is because He is only good always!

    Romans 11:22 says, “Behold therefore the goodness and severity of God.” J.I. Packer writes in Knowing God: “Both appear alongside each other in the economy of grace. Both must be acknowledged together if God is truly to be known.”

    I am so grateful to a loving and good God who allowed difficulty in my life not just because of the final outcome. But I am grateful that God allowed these times so I might know Him better and grow closer to Him every single painful day.

    Oh, ya, did I mention it was for TWO YEARS?

     

    “For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion

    because of the greatness of his unfailing love. For he does not enjoy hurting people

    or causing them sorrow.” (Jeremiah 3:31-33)

     

  • New Beginnings: Time for Reinvention

    New Beginnings: Time for Reinvention

    Isn’t if funny that our circumstances often serve as a kind of metaphor for our internal life? That’s exactly what happened during the reinvention of my career and when we purchased our new home last year.

    I mean…look at this bedroom. It has so many beautiful elements–like that fireplace. Wow! And the size of the room is amazing.

    But let’s be honest…that wallpaper has to go! I thought it looked like something my grandmother would’ve had in her home. And then my mom said…you know, I think Momma did have that wallpaper in her house!

    That confirmed it! The wallpaper had to go! I need to admit that when we did our house-hunting, I wanted a bit of a project home. Ray didn’t. So we got a house with some projects for me to enjoy but not an entire fixer-upper!

    Let’s take a closer look at that wallpaper, why don’t we?

    It’s high-quality wallpaper. And whoever installed it did an amazing job. Everything lined up–including the outlets and switch plates. But, oh, was it ever outdated and drab.

    To be honest, the wallpaper was a metaphor for my career. It was time to reinvent. And it wouldn’t be easy…or painless. Layer after layer had to be peeled away.

    Reinvention would involve a stripping away of so many things. Not only a move to a new town and finding new…well, everything. But it also meant stripping away being 20 minutes from the G-baby and now being 2 hours and 1 minute from him.

    Reinvention meant stripping away relationships that had grown over the 28.5 years at my previous company. And, sadly, it meant people who’d always stressed the importance of friendship–unfriending me on Facebook and not answering my emails. Good Byes aren’t always easy.

    What’s a Good Bye? It’s more than a nice going-away party (which is nice). It’s also being able to acknowledge the pain of the separation–for whatever reason–but to still stay in some form of relationship. A sense of rejection and betrayal can sometimes keep people from being able to do that.

    I had prayed that God would cover everything with his grace and mercy and peace–the move, my resignation, the details, everything. And He did. But that doesn’t mean it was painless. Regardless, the call of God and his direction for some time had been very clear. It was time to strip away the old career and start something new.

    Living in the in-between can be difficult, having a vision for what is to come and yet relying on others to help make it happen. In our master bedroom, we hired someone to strip the wall paper and another person to texture the walls.

    In my career change, I could send out resumes, apply for jobs, go for interviews; yet in the end I was still dependent on the hiring manager to make the decision. And ultimately, more dependent on God’s perfect timing (I’m so glad I didn’t get any of the other jobs that I thought I wanted so much). God’s timing is perfect–even though not my timeline.

    Our bedroom makeover was messy. It smelled at times. It was disruptive. And it took time!

    Isn’t that what reinvention is–messy, smelly, and disruptive at times? And it doesn’t happen overnight. We learn to wait on God–even when the vision is clear but the specifics aren’t. We learn that God is in the waiting and really does have a beautiful plan for our lives–even during the “in between” of reinvention.

  • Letting Go of What I Can’t Afford to Hold Onto

    Letting Go of What I Can’t Afford to Hold Onto

    In the middle of 2017, we downsized our home with a big move. Up until the move, we had decluttered what I thought was close to 50 percent of everything we owned.

    At least that was my goal: to get rid of 50 percent of everything.

    And we needed to simplify our home because we had a lot of stuff! I naturally collect things, store things, memorialize things. Add that to a blended family with my husband’s house full of belongings, and we had way.too.much.stuff!

    During the decluttering phase, I actually counted 24 blankets. So 12 blankets went straight to the donation box. Goodbye half of our board games. Goodbye half of our Christmas decorations. Goodbye books galore. Goodbye much, much more!

    I was actually pretty proud of myself…until the “shaming mover” arrived at our house on moving day. He continued to make snarky comments about how I needed to have a garage sale and I had too much stuff. Moving day is stressful as is but I found myself several times hiding in my closet–the “protected space” that the movers had designated as a space they wouldn’t touch.

    I prayed to God and texted friends: “Am I a hoarder?”

    This guy definitely thought I was.

    Even with all our calculating, there were things that couldn’t fit on the U-Haul trucks. Some of this extra stuff was easy to let go. But the gorgeous wooden tabletop that my first husband had made with his father is the one thing that broke my heart to leave. I asked each child and my mother-in-law if they wanted it. Nope. And I realized that I was holding onto things with precious memories that no one else wanted.

    Why was I holding on? I said goodbye to it.

    Of course, we went the economy route for our move and ended up driving a caravan of cars and U-Haul trucks 100 miles. When we started unpacking the trucks at the new house, we discovered that the movers hadn’t utilized the space efficiently and we could’ve packed a lot more on. I could’ve kept the tabletop!

    However, being forced to make the hard decision of letting go of something I’d held onto for the sake of others gave me the gift of letting go of more. I donated my first wedding dress–rather than keep it hermetically sealed in its container–for who? My daughter was already married and didn’t wear the dress. I imagined someone being blessed by wearing this dress at her wedding. I donated gifts that had been given to me that I no longer used. I donated silver items and imagined someone being so excited to find them at Goodwill.

    I finally gave away boxes and boxes of scrapbooking materials that I would never use to a sweet niece who loves them. I had actually offered and then reconsidered several times. This move helped me finally make the cut.

    I had a dozen houseplants; I now have four. I finally got the courage to let go of a plant that we’d received at my first husband’s funeral. It was scraggly and shed leaves constantly. I had cared for this lopsided plant, knowing it needed to go, until this move when I mustered more courage to let go of things I couldn’t afford to hang onto anymore.

    It’s not really that they were costing me financially, but they were costing me a sense of order, lightness, and peace. With every trip to Goodwill, I noticed a lightness of spirit. I relish that I’m blessing someone and in a sense cleansing my home.

    I’m pursuing a much simpler home. And it feels really good!

    Another benefit is that letting go has made me stop and think twice before buying more “stuff.” Do I really need it? Will I be donating it soon?

    I’m grateful for this letting go process to determine what I really value and what I really need. I may not be completely at a 50% downsize but I’m very close.

    Getting rid of the excess feels so good! Who knows, I may even up it to 60% this year!