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It’s been one of those seasons where I find myself crying out to God to deliver me…to rescue me.

I’m pretty sure you’ve felt that way. Maybe you’re feeling that now.

The situation never seems to get better; in fact, it gets worse. It’s like the storm before the beautiful rainbow in the sky.

But I long for that rainbow. And I cry out, “God, when will you rescue me?”

I’m aware of James 1:2-4  (my sweet husband reminds me of it): “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

That word complete. My study Bible says that it “expresses the perfection of man before the Fall.” So the trials, troubles, tribulations…they’re shaving off the barnacles of my fallen nature and returning me to what God meant for me to be.

Katie Martinez, one of our pastors, referred to the psalms of disorientation this week when we talked about my current situation. David understood needing rescue.

Today Psalm 22 speaks to my heart and situation: “be not far from me, for trouble is near” (:11)

“Deliver me” (:20) “Save me” (:21)

Psalm 22:21 has a choice word in it that speaks God’s love and care and tenderness to me.

In the KJV: “Deliver my soul from the sword; my darling from the power of the dog.”

My darling? Yachid.

Hold on because this tells us how our tender God sees us in times of distress. Yachid means alone and forsaken. It refers to the preciousness of a unique individual.

This is my God!

And there’s more!

Psalm 22:8: “Commit yourself to the Lord; let Him deliver him; Let Him rescue him, because He delights in him.”

This verse is prophetic about Jesus. And it’s truth for us.

Deliver? Natsal.

Natsal is to be snatched out of, saved, freed. It is to escape or be pulled out of the situation. In 2 Samuel 14:6, Natsal is used to refer to two sons fighting with one another with no one to pull them apart.

This is my God!

I know that what I’m facing is having its perfect work in shaping me to be who God created me to be. The length of this trial will have its result–no matter how much I long for it to be over.

And I am assured that in the end, my God will deliver me. The thing that I am entangled with in a battle will end. God will snatch me away from the pain and He will give me an escape path.

This is my God!

Who I will be tomorrow, three months from now, a year, 10 years…is rooted in the choices, attitudes, actions, habits, work I do TODAY!

Today is all I have.

And today I need God’s power that raised Jesus from the dead.

I cannot do it by myself. I need God’s power in me to live one day at a time.

Will who I am tomorrow thank who I am today? I have a responsibility to her. The Bible says do not be deceived; you will reap what you sow! My future self will reap whatever I sow–for good or bad.

What does the future me want? If (and that can be a big if) I choose well today, I dream that the future me will thank present me in these ways…

Thanks for doing the hard work I promise to maintain. I know it wasn’t easy. I will be a steward of all the good things you said yes to…and all the bad things you resisted.

Thanks for choosing health.

Thanks for saying no to all those things that in the moment made so much sense. But they were the wrong choice. All those things you battled mean nothing to me now; I can’t even remember them. But at the time you made the tough choices, they seemed so important.

Thanks for waking up and having some ambition again. I wouldn’t be here without you.

Thanks for choosing to get up off the couch and do things that really matter.

Thanks for dreaming big–and doing the work to get me here.

Thanks for creating an amazing life for me and my kids and my grandkids. A heritage and an inheritance.

Thanks for not wanting to be normal or average.

And thanks for not becoming a narcissist in the middle of ambition. I would hate myself.

Thanks for doing what you talked about doing. You’ve left me with no regrets and that’s an amazing place to be.

Thanks for doing hard things never knowing if anyone would be blessed by your work. They were.

Thanks for putting legs to your dreams.

Thanks for being faithful to use your gifts.

Thank you, present you, for doing the work to create an amazing life for future me. I am grateful.

“Take no thought for the morrow, for the morrow will take care of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” Matthew 6:34 (KJV–yes, I memorized it in KJV many years ago)

I knew Devin’s intentions toward Abby–he had already told me that he wanted to marry her.

But when Abby told me that Devin wanted to talk to me about something, I realized I wasn’t ready for him to ask. Of course, it was nothing against this amazing young man. Abby was crazy about him and I knew they were meant to be together.

But I found myself stalling. I could’ve texted him earlier in the day but I kept putting it off. I would talk to him before the day was up, but I stalled.

What was wrong with me? I had known he would ask me for her hand someday. He’s a Southern gentleman. And my friend Danielle says that Southerners are born with etiquette in their blood.

I knew that I would say yes. Because Abby wanted me to say yes. But I stalled.

I realized that now that it was really going to happen that I wanted to hold onto Abby just a little while longer as just being mine. Once Devin asked me that question and I said yes, she was no longer mine but ours.

I had no idea I would have these feelings but I stalled to just hang on a little longer…

To the sweet girl who tells me I am her best friend.

To the sweet girl who would later ask me to be her honorary matron of honor.

To the sweet girl who I love having as a daughter.

To the sweet girl who is deeply in love with Devin.

It was time to let go. And I stopped stalling.

I told Devin that I had struggled with wanting to hold onto her just a little longer. And he understood.

I told him that if I am going to give her to someone I couldn’t imagine anyone better than him.

And now we’re days away from his proposal (made on Mike’s and my wedding anniversary) being fulfilled. I will walk her down the aisle and give her to Devin.

I can’t even imagine what that is going to feel like. And I promise–no stalling on that day.